So I think I managed to get my email address off the blog, though comment moderation will remain.  I don’t expect people to do things “my way” at all, but I think the world would be a lot nicer if there was more respect.  It feels horrible to be judged for any reason at all.  I saw a situation where the poster was doing the very thing that she was annoyed at having done to her, and I opened my mouth.  It was stupid of me, especially since I should have known that the ‘famous’ bloggers have readers with mob mentality.  For the record, however, the blogger herself was very nice and sweet when she replied to my comment.

Now, about thedrama in my actual life.  Does anyone know anything about a “consent judgment” on a mortgage?  I’ve been googling but think I really need a lawyer for this.  Of course, I haven’t been able to find one who we can afford, though I’m still making calls and trying.  Also have a different creditor suing and need to submit something to the court within 2 weeks.  Except I have no idea what I’m supposed to be submitting because I’m no lawyer.  Running out of time and feeling panicked.  Maybe the mortgage company was right when they told us that we shouldn’t have had kids.  If only I could have known that all of this was going to happen, right?  We lived modestly but comfortably on $900/week before we had kids.  Now there is less than $1k coming in for an entire month, and our home costs $750 plus insurance.  If this lawsuit ends with forclosure or garnished wages, then we’re looking at a crappy one bedroom apartment if we’re lucky.  I’ve been calling around for the past week, and even a 2 bedroom costs more than we pay right now.  If we can’t afford this, then we’re not going to be able to afford that.

I don’t know.  Somehow I feel like I should backtrack and throw the entire story out there because the snippets are easily confused.  And yet I don’t think that blogging about it will help.  It’s just a way to open yourself up to be judged a trainwreck and accused of looking for pity.  I can do without both.  Probably closing down the blog would actually make more sense.

I know that we’ve made mistakes through the years, but this isn’t really a direct result of any of them.  I’ve worked hard to overcome every single thing life has thrown at me, but this time it seems a bit hopeless.  No.  Not hopeless.  We still have our kids, and they make it worthwhile to get up each day.  But then there’s that thought in the back of my mind…will they take my kids away from me when we’re homeless and jobless?

I cannot go there today.  I need to fix this, not feel sorry for myself.

I know it’s hard right now for everyone.  Unfortunately, our situation isn’t unique in this economy.

All I want is for someone to admit that I tried.  That I am still trying.  But, of course, I am an asshole. All the emails say so.